happy happy boom boom

Happy 4th of July from the 5th of July.

Look, I'm no Tory.

I fully support General Washington and his Continental Army and do believe that the British have no right to tax us so crappily.

We deserve the right to govern ourselves and I celebrate our impending freedom from British rule.

One thing though.

Why do some people feel the need to blow shit up in order to celebrate American Independence?

What the hell?

Now I don't mind official fireworks displays given by local municipalities. Those can be very beautiful and moving.

But do we need every wife-beater wearing white trash idiot with a trunk full of roman candles smuggled across the Indiana border blasting the shit out of the street until four in the fucking morning?

I say thee nay!

When the British inevitably sail back across the pond, can they take some of the less desirable with them?

I even compiled a list:

The afore-mentioned roman candle smugglers.
Paris Hilton and anybody who worships Paris Hilton.
Every person in America who has made American Idol such a big hit.
Barry Bonds before he breaks Hank's record.
Britney Spears and her half-brained ex-husband. (who's probably behind the double-wide as we speak taping an M-80 to a stray cat's tail)
The idiot who wrote the Secret.
The idiots who bought the Secret.
George Bush and Dick Cheney.
Osama Bin Laden (because you just know he's been holed up in someplace like Columbus, Ohio this whole time, watching Letterman, munching on Cool Ranch Doritos and laughing his ass off).
Anne Coulter.

That's just a short list. More to come later.